Thursday, October 06, 2005

Just your Plain Ole' Garden Variety DMV

Naturally one groans aloud at the thought of having to grace the doors of the DMV. For whatever reason your visit, you are immediately labeled a delinquent of the lowest priority. To make your visit all the more excruciatingly pleasant, you find yourself in one of two lines. Each one equally long and equally slow. But no matter which one you pick, your line tops the chart for these particular categories.
1. Shortest guy. (measuring in at about 4'10")
2. Homeless guy playing annoying video game.
3. Walking on Sunshine guy, whose visit to the DMV is the highlight of his day.
4. Sara (most pretentious delinquent in both lines)
5. Nine months pregnant chick, who takes up two spaces.
6. Harlequin Romance reader, who doesn't pay attention to the line when it
moves after 45 min.
7. Smelly chick.
8. Personal space guy. You can practically taste his tic-tac.
9. Sweaty baldheaded guy whose fluorescent light reflecting head burns your
eyeballs.

Unfortunately, we all must visit the DMV. Here are some things to do that may numb the pain....
1. Count the hairs on short guy's head.
2. Tell guy with video game you bought that same one for your retarded nephew.
3. Sing along with Captain Insano.
4. Help Sara make fun of everyone in room! (this one is easy because you're pretentious #2)
5. Smile at the human incubator with lips closed and tilt your head.
6. 007 your way in front of harlequin lady.
7. Pretend you're at the zoo.
8. Trade places with personal space guy so that he's next to smelly chick.
9. Suck it up, you're at the DMV.

4 comments:

sara said...

If you don't have anything nice to say.......come sit by me.

Anonymous said...

I feel sorry for ugly people.

sara said...

who IS anonymous? Gah, grow some.

Charles the handsome said...

I don't feel sorry for ugly people. They deserve it...besides they're o.k....They don't have to look at themselves....errr and what would you rather bee or a wasp?