Saturday, January 10, 2009

Full Moon - January 11th - 3:28 - Sunday

"Take two cups and call me in the morning."

I am a lover of coffee. I love it in the morning. I love the aroma and the way it's rich warmth coats my insides. Coffee wakes me and makes me feel good about the day. I love it in the afternoon. I love the way it sooths my weary mind and gives me a boost for the remains of the day. I love it in the evening. A hot cup of decaffeinated coffee shakes off the long day.

Coffee rocks me and rolls me.

I love coffee and coffee loves me back.
1. Researchers from the University of Scranton released on August 29, 2005 that coffee is the No. 1 source of antioxidants in the American diet. Black tea is the second.

2. The latest research has not only confirmed that moderate coffee consumption doesn't cause harm, it's also uncovered possible benefits. Coffee may reduce the risk of developing gallstones.
3. Coffee discourages the development of colon cancer.

4. Coffee improves cognitive function.

5. Reduces the risk of liver damage in people at high risk for liver disease, and reduces the risk of Parkinson's disease.

6. Coffee has also been shown to improve endurance performance in long-duration physical activities.
Source: Harvard Health Publications, Harvard Medical School, 2006.

7. It makes me happy. In The Pharmacological Basis of Therapeutics by Dr. J. Murdoch Ritchieh, he reports.... On the positive side, caffeine produces "a more rapid and clearer flow of thought," and allays "drowsiness and fatigue. After taking caffeine one is capable of greater sustained intellectual effort and a more perfect association of ideas. There is also a keener appreciation of sensory stimuli, and motor activity is increased; typists, for example, work faster and with fewer errors."

8. You can feel pretty good about yourself when indulging in a hot, steamy cup of black magic. Coffee is a mild stimulant, is packed with antioxidants and can stand head to head with most other “health” beverages in your local health food store.
The problem with the calories in your coffee is not about the coffee at all. It’s about what you add to your coffee.

10 calories - Regular cup of coffee, no cream or sugar

9. Drinking coffee appears to lower the risk of developing skin cancer. A research team at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, has shown that a combination of exercise and some caffeine protects against the destructive effects of the sun’s ultraviolet-B (UVB) radiation, known to induce skin cancer.
The caffeine and exercise seemingly work together in killing off pre-cancerous cells whose DNA has been damaged by UVB-rays.

10. Fiber found in coffee is soluble fiber. You can’t see it, but it plays a very important function in our health. In fact, it’s dietary fiber of the soluble kind that helps prevent cholesterol from being absorbed by the intestines.

11. Gary Arendash, a researcher at the Byrd Alzheimer's Institute in Tampa, Florida, says, "The remarkable thing is that a simple cup of coffee appears to have more effect on preventing Alzheimer's than the expensive pharmaceuticals currently being used to treat the disease."

12. Researchers say results suggest that caffeine as well as other elements in coffee may work separately as well as together in lowering the risk of type 2 diabetes by preventing insulin resistance.

13. Coffee does increase your brainpower. In a world filled with expensive supplements claiming to boost memory and intelligence, you'll find it reassuring to know that you can save some money and increase your brainpower naturally, by drinking my favorite

So drink up. Feel good about it. But don't forget to carry a stick of gum. Not everyone loves coffee breath. Sa-na-na!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

..i feel stupid and contagious..

Teenagers are retarded.

My niece is 15. She's is an absolute social nightmare. Her hair isn't blue and she has no facial piercings, but she has the ability to stand in a room and with one comment suck every bit of common sense out of it in a matter of 30 stupid teenage seconds.

How is this possible? Was I like this in my teen years? Were my friends like this? MY parents!? Are teenagers getting worse or are am I just now maturing to a stage of social awareness that makes me want to stick the closest foreign object into her ear and poke around.

She got out of school on her Christmas break on a Friday. She went to her friend's house that evening and stayed until Wednesday, Christmas Eve. She got her presents, ate the feast, played the games, and left the next morning for her friend's house until New Years Eve. On New Years Eve she brought her friend back with her to eat the feast, play the games, watch the fireworks and leave with her the next morning to be gone until school starts on Monday.

She says she doesn't hate us. We're not all her "parents" so she can't use that flippant excuse. Lots of teens have a "cool" aunt. Even if it's not me, she has more than one option. We pay attention to her, we buy her things, accept her the way she is, compliment her, tease her, love and hug her, and even threaten her occasionally to be the best person she can be. What part of that does she not want to be around? Do we mean nothing to her?

No. Who? We. We mean nothing.

Now, there are some signs this is strictly teenage behavior and not to be feared for eternity's sake. For example: when she likes an article of clothing she wears it every day, appropriately or not. She speaks quickly and inaudibly like she's incapable of opening her mouth. 'Like' has become the most important word in her vocabulary and Twilight has become the life she'll never lead.

As for other behaviors that heed concern or squeeze my brain through her fingers of teen perception she shows a shaky needle on the crazy scale. Whoever said, "no question is a stupid question", never answered my niece.

A typical conversation with my niece goes like this-

Niece: All reminds me of hall, but not if you add pass. Cause that would be hall-pass and my parents said I'm not allowed to ask the teacher if I can have a hall-pass.

Me: They wouldn't say that if there was no logical reason for them to be concerned about your abuse of hall-pass privileges.

Niece: Well, I don't really need to go to the bathroom 4 times during class. But what they don't understand is that Edward visits Bella when she's in the bathroom to talk about love and stuff and why they can't be together because he's doomed to the sacred awesomeness of the night and sometimes it makes me feel better about myself if I can go to the bathroom. I like to wear tight shirts because it drives the boys crazy. I mean no i don't. What? Sometimes my friends and boys say I talk too much but I can't help it. So my friends and I (after I correct her grammar) are designing our own spring dance dresses and mine is going to be just like Bella's but different. Well, not really like hers at all, but it's going to be sorta like hers. The color will be different but I need the shape to be all funky because that's the way my friends and I like to do things.

~Now insert LIKE into that paragraph 48 times, wherever you want, doesn't matter, and read it again and that is how it sounded before I deciphered it.

There are too many citations and not enough patience to validate her weirdness and lack of savoir-faire. I guess there is nothing to do but give it time. See it out. Try to correct her when it's important and make her feel as conventional, average, and normal as the other cracked-out teenagers. And pray she'll eventually grow into a human being.

More Celebrity Jeopardy

Celebrity Jeopardy

Alex Trebek.....Will Ferrell
Robin Williams.....Jimmy Fallon
Catherine Zeta-Jones.....Lucy Liu.
Sean Connery.....Darrell Hammond

Alex Trebek: And welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. Because of what just happened before during the commercial, I'd like to apologize to all blind people and children. That said, let's take a look at the scores. Robin Williams has set a Jeopardy record by buzzing in 2,000 times and never answering a question.

Alex Trebek: Catherine Zeta Jones has no score at all because she's mostly been talking about her recent marriage.

Alex Trebek: That's beautiful. And finally, Sean Connery's also here let's move on to Double Jeopardy where the categories -

Sean Connery: Not so fast Trebek.

Alex Trebek: I really thought that was going to work.

Sean Connery: Well, you were wrong, you mountebank. I pose a conundrum to ya, I riddle if you will

Alex Trebek: I don't want to hear it.

Sean Connery: What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore. [ Laughs ]

Alex Trebek: Wonderful. Let's take a look at the categories. They are: Potent Potables, Point to your own head, Letters or Numbers, Will this hurt if you put it in your mouth, An album cover, Make any noise, and finally, Famous Muppet Frogs. I should add that the answer to every question in that category is Kermit.

Robin Williams: Thank you, yes, Kermit. Yes it's like Kermit and John Wayne goin, "It's not easy being green, pilgrim." It's like Schwarzenegger,"Ya, I'm Kermit the frog, ya that's me, Schwarzenegger Kermit."

Sean Connery: Boy, you might be legally retarded.

Alex Trebek: He has a point. All right, Catherine Zeta Jones we'll start with you.

Catherine Zeta-Jones: I'll take Giraffes for a billion.

Alex Trebek: Let's just go with Letters or Numbers for 200. And the answer is "five." Is five a letter or a number? The number five, is it a number? [ ring ] Mr. Williams.

Robin Williams: Oh, it's a beautiful thing yes, right now there's a guy at home goin [ motions a remote control w/ his hand ] what the hell's goin on there, why don't you change -

Alex Trebek: Thank you. Thank you. [ ring ] Mr. Williams, you already rang in.

Robin Williams: Yes, it's a beautiful thing, though. Monica Lewinsky's at home goin' [ screams ]
Alex Trebek: Thank you, thank you, anyone else. [ ring ] Mr. Williams, I hate you.

Robin Williams: But I love you! It's like Jesse Helms and Michael Jackson going, "Yo quiero Taco Bell!"Alex Trebek: You are a very sick man. Anyone besides Mr. Williams? [ beep ] Five is of course, a number. Catherine Zeta Jones, sadly, it's still your board.

Catherine Zeta-Jones: I'll take TV shows that did stories about my wedding for 300.

Alex Trebek: For the last time, that is not a category. Sean Connery, why don't you pick?

Sean Connery: Well, the game is afoot. I'll take anal bum cover for 7,000.

Alex Trebek: That's An album cover, not anal bum cover.

Sean Connery: I can read, Trebek. That says Anal bum cover. I've spent five years of my life trying to invent an anal bum cover, failing to do so is my greatest regret.

Alex Trebek: You have lead a horrifying life. The category is An album cover and the answer is: The Beatles White album is this color. [ ring ]

Robin Williams: Oh, the Beatles, oh yes, what if they were the Volkswagon Beatles? Then they'd be in the back going, "I wanna hold your farfigneugent"

Alex Trebek: For the love of God, shut your mouth. I'll tell you what, let's just go to final Jeopardy. And the category is, you know what? You guys just decide. You each ask your own question and answer it. There's no way you can get this wrong, because you're asking the question. Ask yourself anything at all and then answer it. You'd have to be the dumbest people in the world to mess this up; and now let's see how you managed to mess it up. Robin Williams wrote: Nothing. Because he stuck his pen through his own hand.

Robin Williams: Yes, you know what it's like, suddenly it's like a Shakespearean actor who's gay going, "Tell us for york I" [ Trebek grabs pen and sticks it deeper into Williams' hand ]

Alex Trebek: Don't ever come here again. Catherine Zeta Jones, asked herself this question: What sound does a doggy make? Fine. And you answered: [ Blank ] You didn't know the answer? You couldn't answer your own question?

Catherine Zeta-Jones: It was hard.

Alex Trebek: Unbelievable. And finally, Sean Connery asked himself: [ Show half a picture of a horse having sex w/ Trebek ] Ok, I, I think I know where this is going. Let me just see here, [ Looks over podium ] Yeah, yeah, that's a horse having sex with me. Ok. That's beautiful.

Sean Connery: Come on, you pansy, let the people see my work.

Alex Trebek: No, we're not going to do that. Ok, I quit, again. Good night.