Saturday, October 01, 2005

Jeepers Creepers

OCTOBER is here! Tis' the season to be scary!! Here are some things to make your October the best month yet!
1. ...i don't care who you are, that's funny.
2. Go pumpkin picking. Or just take your neighbor's.

3. Horde stuff.
4. Give all of your friends scary nicknames, like: Freddy, Jack-O, Bag-o-Bones, Skeletor, or Edward Scissor Hands.
5. Set fire to something you don't own. (this should exclude pets and slaves)
666. Use 666 in as many ways as possible. Ex. tatoos, sticky notes, screen savers...
7. Tell everyone you see, that your birthday is October 31st. And then say, just kidding, but I was born on the same day as Satan.

More to come... Thats Spooktastic!! WhooaH ah ah ah aH!

Friday, September 30, 2005

Put That in Your Pipe and Smoke It!

Mornin' ladies, my goodness don't you look happy. Must be cuttin' somebody up pretty good. ~Andy Griffith

If the Ten Commandments isn't sufficient, I recommend Waterfalls by TLC. Words to live by. ~La Feroce Bete

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
~Albert Einstein

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges. ~Jack Handy

I believe the children are our future, unless we stop them now! ~Homer Simpson (interviewing for a guard job at a juvinile prison)

Exciting and Challenging Career


JOB DESCRIPTION : Control student traffic....(no monkey business), Use state issued whistle on noncompliant students and teachers, Create single-file lines at a moment's notice, Record and report excessive lunchroom noise, Keep lunchroom ladies under control.

REQUIREMENTS : Safety certificate, must fit into one-size fits all uniform, preferably a mensa member, seeing-eye dog optional, former CIA welcome

*Please send resume to

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Shoot me in the head......

My opinion.... Interviews should go like this.
Interviewer: Good Morning, Aubrey, is it?
Aubrey: Good Morning! (smiling) Yes, Aubrey, Thank you so much for meeting with me today.
Interviewer: Well, Aubrey, if you're ready, let's get started.
Interviewer: Why do you think you'll be an asset to this company?
Aubrey: Cause you guys pay your employees, and thats exactly what I'm looking for. To be paid. Perfect match!
Interviewer: I see. And how would you describe the ideal job.
Aubrey: This one. Definetely this one.
Interviewer: Aubrey, I feel no need to go any further. You have impressed me greatly with your career goals and knowledge of our company. Welcome to the team!!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

September 28, 2005 Wednesday

i thought once of being a great writer
then realizing my lack there ode
decided to be an actor
surely you've been there
forget not you're down stage
lest you change your mind
to be an artist, a teacher, a journalist, maybe speak french
don't fool, not fooling, no one's fooled
settle then
drunk brave amused focused poor
sweet forgiving lover pale forgotten
decided to be an architect
surely you've been there
forget not you're up stage
lest you change your mind

Step One : Discretely Identify Malfunction

"Beware the fury of a patient man."

- John Dryden