THIS IS HOW I FEEL ON TUESDAY.

Too Legit

Who ever said life at the office couldn't be.....hmm, worth the drive. I've recently tripped over a new victim in my plot to rid the world of mundane misery. He's a cubicle dweller like myself. However, 'he' is the key word. He IS the only male processor in the building. Which, as one might assume, makes him the perfect target. I decided to give him a weird quirk. I then decided to share it with the office by posting signs on his cubicle, unbeknownst to him. Inadvertently, I made him the "IT" boy.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am about to share with you how this all came about. Sitting at my desk, pen in hand, ear phones in, I heard an MC Hammer song. In my wandering mind, I perceived an MC Hammer groupie and what he/she might be like. I decided then and there that there must be someone out there that believes that MC Hammer was the greatest rapper of our time. This is where my perception took reality by its horns, scalped it, and wore it for the public to mock. I waited for the opportune time to tape a banner on this poor unsuspecting soul's cube wall announcing to all that MC Hammer was and will always be the greatest rapper ever known. And from now on, we were to refer to him by the nickname, Hammer.
As fortune took its all too accomplicing turn the banner was forgotten about and left up for the morning rush. As wanderers by took notice, the buzz in the office spread like cheap margarine on stale toast. High fives and "Hey Hammer's" could be heard coming from our new prom king's square kingdom. After the delight of discovering we were among greatness subsided it was time to invent again. This time I chose to make it interactive. I posted a sign-up sheet on Hammer's cubicle for an upcoming trivia night, dedicated to the one and only MC Hammer.
This is not over. Periodically I adorn his gray walls with MC Hammer for President, and Stop. Hammer Time posters. It never gets old if it evolves like Hammer's career. So for now its all up to our new IT boy who seems to be taking his newly found popularity and buttering everyone's toast. Lets face it, riding the coattails can be a wild ride.

Ecstasy

you wouldn't believe how many times i sit here and try to think of something to write. most of the time i attribute it to being exhausted or bored with nothing all that inspirational to pull from. i'm a workin' girl now. busy and normal. but that's all perspective isn't it? lets see. this past week. be patient while i recap. ok, monday. oh, by the way most of these will start at 6pm, being that's when life after work begins. i was broke on monday so i went home. tuesday. i was still broke, but i played darts and lost. actually won seven dollars, but it was an overall loss. wednesday. i went over to sara and jed's to meet franklin. he's a snuggly bundle of pure happiness. he's also the new puppy, not the new baby. that bundle hasn't arrived yet. thursday. i literally bribed a co-worker into going to have drinks with me after work. i had a most deserved and extremely well made dirty martini-3 olives. Ecstasy. friday was girls night. yep. it was as exciting as it sounds. we had dinner, and watched elizabethtown which i do not recommend unless you're having trouble sleeping. saturday. went to coffee way too early than a saturday morning should start. who would have guessed i have an internal alarm. sunday. got up and went to cvs. i love shopping for toiletries and stuff i don't reaaally need. $80 later, i went to the grocery store and bought the ingredients for a meal straight out of coronas, montereys or el jaliscos. it was badass. and that's it. whew. no wonder i'm so tired.

SHAKE YOUR GROOVE THING!!

For those of you who've been suffering Beast DTs, you ARE reading a genuine post by the beast written in the year of our Lord 2006....

Noly Poly.
-i love dirt
feed me.
-i like the pole
well, i mean things that dance on it.
-if i were a grown up
i'd buy a goat, cause they're better than lawn mowers i've heard.
-i like goats
i once saw a goat save a rather large baby from rabid racoons.
-seriously
-it was awesome!
-my mom once said i was picked out of a crowd in an airport as a child to star in an upcoming
mini series about a boy and his dream of becoming the worlds' first baloon pilot.
-she said no
-but the mini series was AWESOME!
-i love hot air baloons
they're better than blimps.
-did you know i got my name from a hooker?
-but she wasn't a woman hooker.
-i think
-no. I know...that she owned a goat
i think thats the real reason i want one.
-plus they're much better than lawnmowers.

Should be Bete, Bete, Burning Bright... (wink)

Tiger by William Blake

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare seize the fire?

And What shoulder, and what art,
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? and what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

~~JUST A LITTLE POETRE' FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T READ ANY IN THE PAST COUPLE YEARS!!

Pimpin' Ain't Easy

One day you gonna wake up and you ain't gonna have no hos. Its gonna happen.

A Poem By the beast

If I were the Aquatics Director at the YMCA...

If I were the Aquatics Director at the YMCA
I would change my title to Chief Oldie Patrol.
I would hide beer under my desk.
I would learn how to play 'We Don't Need No Education' on my rubberband guitar.
I would make up cheers for the Y, like Go Y Go Y, Freeze and Let the YMCA Do It!
I would horde all the basketballs in my office and pretend to know nothing.
If I were the Aquatics Director at the YMCA
I would bring Jager and M&M's to go with my beer.
I would set up a fake keypad outside of my door and make people punch in the right numbers or press their thumbs up to it. And I would deny half of them access.
I would hold moments of silence over the intercom for all the roadkill I caused peeling rubber out of the parking lot at 5 o'clock.
I f I were the Aquatics Director at the YMCA I would change the acronym meaning to Yo Mom's a Crank Addict.
I would slip a couple o' wisk disks into the swimming pool. Day Off!
I would require all my lifegaurds to pass the go get me a sandwich manuever.
Oh life would be so grand to be the Aquatics Director at the YMCA!!!