Sunday, January 18, 2009


Life snuck up on me.

One minute I’m sitting in the sunshine across from my best friend on the back deck drinking a beer and doing a crossword (which by the way was almost everyday – so this isn’t a 'one time at band camp' sob story), and the next I’m driving past her work wondering how her weekend went and if she went out of town or not.

I’ll want to call her right then, but then think, “Well, she’s in work I’ll wait.” Then of course, life happens and I forget. And then by the time I remember it’s Cole’s bath time or bedtime or my bath time.

And then after a few days it gets harder to call because I feel so badly about not calling. It would be a lot easier if I could call her up and say ”Hey, I’ve got a half an hour let’s meet for coffee” but our schedules and responsibilities are so off course it’s mostly impossible.

She works during the week. I work during the week and weekends. She’s got Kaiser who’s on a completely different schedule than either of us and I’ve got my mom who doesn’t nap from one to three.

It’s driving me crazy. I want to talk and lounge around. I want Mexican. I want to play with the little man and watch VH1. I want to co-write crappy blogs and share my Ann Curry disdain with someone who understands. I want to watch Cops and dog Tom Cruise. I want to play Find the Fascist. Wow. Yep, I want to hide HITLER!

The awful feeling hits me at least twice a day. Maybe more often when I’m alone and less distracted. The sensation in my mind and heart is absence. After the initial assault realty reminds me that it isn’t going away anytime soon.

I think about her everyday and I’m not mad about the way things are, just sad. My feelings about her haven’t changed and I love her as much today as I always have. And I know she misses me too. That makes it a little less hurtful.

But it won’t be right until I’m able to balance my schedule better with hers. I’m ready to have some free weekends. I’m ready to call her up and meet her and the Bean for lunch; do whatever we want to do.

Grab a crossword, some sunshine, and my favorite company.


Sara Fraser said...

I'm your "Shawty?" Or Cole? Either way, that's funny. Please call me that, from here on out. Hey, I love and miss you -- but I do understand. You're going through some major life changes, some super ones. Things that take up a lot of time. It'll pass and we'll get back to the crosswords. :)

La Feroce Bete said...

You. Definitely you. Shawty! It felt right. :) Thanks for being so understanding. I love you!!

G. Angus said...

I know this was meant for Ms Shawty, mostly, but after all the countless exchanges the three of us had had in the dread MySpace, I feel closer to you two than all but a few of those in my Friends Space.

So, I cordially invite either or both of you to visit me in Reno (naturally, after the weather warms up, & I'm a bit more flush with decent furniture). You can come see some shows, blow some money, & give me the non-stop entertainment only you two can provide.

I know, a new (or fairly new) business takes constant attention (been there), & little Kaiser's a handful, but I think you're both due for a few days in the sun (without the humidity, that is).

Sara Fraser said...

I'm down.

La Feroce Bete said...

Oh-ver due that is! :)