Sunday, November 30, 2008

No Alibi.

The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is. ~C.S. Lewis

Time has been on my mind a lot lately.

I suppose it is because I feel there is so little I get to control. I realize how much time I’ve wasted over the years. How much time I had to do whatever I wanted and chose nothing.

All those moments of nothing could have added up to something.

There are whole years for which I hope I'll never be cross-examined, for I could not give an alibi. ~Mignon McLaughlin

I am working two jobs. To pay my bills, I work three to four days a week, 12 hours a day. This has to be on the weekend because week days are devoted to my other job. During these twelve hour days I sit, and sit. My back usually hurts from the two positions I am able to achieve and still be physically capable of doing my job. The coffee is a mockery. I am yelled at and demeaned by co-workers, all the while missing the weekend activities of friends and family.

This is what I do 36 hours a week. I’ve been doing it for almost a year. I hate it. It not only makes me an emotional zombie, but a physical one as
well. It’s not healthy and I am unhappy.

Time is the most indefinable yet paradoxical of things; the past is gone, the future is not come, and the present becomes the past even while we attempt to define it, and, like the flash of lightning, at once exists and expires. ~Charles Caleb Colton


This is not my truth. I am happy. And my needs are being met. I am complaining about a job that pays my bills. About the 36 hours a week that provide a work schedule conducive to building a new business.

My time is mine to choose. And I’ve chosen.

No I will not make out with you. Did you hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I'm here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the chlorophyll. ~ Billy Madison

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