Celebrity Jeopardy

Sean Connery: It looks like this is my lucky day! I'll take "The Rapists" for $200.

Alex Trebek: That's "Therapists." That's "Therapists," not "The Rapists." Let's skip "Therapists" and try "Household Objects", for $400. And the answer is, "You usually drink water out of one of these."

[Sean Connery buzzes in] Sean Connery.

Sean Connery: A leather glove!

-SNL

Live Long and Prosper

If you've ever worked in an office environment you know that personal expression is exhibited by cubicle decor. Whether you're in finance or communications your office cubiwalls set the stage.

Creative display is sometimes manifested by a photo screen saver of the Black & White Playa's Ball, an air brushed mystical fairy calendar, a meticulously arranged frog collection, or a plastic cacti/ficus jungle. Every office building is a canvas for the people that work there.

Some offices even have a penchant for Meerkats and Llamas. ;)

If you work in a technical support office you are more likely to find an impressive array of Star Trek posters, Star Wars' figurines, and Batman. Why Batman? I'm not absolutely sure, but I think it has something to do with his black bullet proof rubber suit. Yum. Even Trekkies find Superman and Aqua Man's flamboyant spandex emasculating.

What they don't find machismo threatening is having a man crush on Mark Hamill and Leonard Nemoy. Speaking fluent Klingon and being a card carrying member of STARFLEET: The International Star Trek Fan Association is even cool.

I don't mind your strange trekky ways or your Star Wars humor. I can even understand your curiosity for galaxies far far away and agree that gold bikinis are hot, but I'll never really "get it".

Medical offices are completely different. Just as strange but with less influence from the Force. Ziggy and kitten posters rock these cube walls. You can find kitten calendars, Ziggy pens, notepads and no one in that office has a problem a cute kitten can't solve. So hang in there and enjoy those custom sewn chair pads and trash bin coozies.

Corporate offices tend to lean towards professional personality-which means stifled personality. Framed photos of fishing trips and sorority reunions replace cracked out kittens and crocheted tissue box holders. Functional calendars that are neither fun or funky hang in perfect alignment above printers. Matching metal mesh pencils holders and paper trays sit at a right angle to coffee mugs personalized just like everyone else's with the company insignia.

Warehouse offices are for the most part a disaster. Desks are piled with papers and chewed pencils. Ratty posters from the 80's of red Cameros and bikini clad babes can be found on the walls if you push aside janitor sized key rings and bottle opener collections. The only calender is two years old and singed from the over flowing ashtray. The leather swivel chairs are busting foam and the space heaters' cords are frayed.

If you've never worked in an office like this you haven't worked. Or played. Or survived the cold harsh winters of the warehouse.

So whatever your work environment, style it up! Nothing says "don't approach me" like an over-sized stuffed Meerkat holding your mechanical pencil collection.

Right, Sara?

if i could spell, i'd be dangerous

I'm FA-reeeE.zing.

I would be wearing my winter coat if I had use of my arms whilst in it. Unfortunately, I look like the kid from A Christmas Story sitting behind a cube wall flailing around in my chair. Every time I pick up my pencil or reach for the keyboard I spill a cup of coffee.

So - I have wrapped my scarf around my shoulders, layed my gloves across my thighs, and accumulated hours of "break" time making sure my coffee never reaches room temperature.

I'm STILL cold!

It is 40 degrees outside. It is cold outside. I am INSIDE. A shelter.

Webster:

shel.ter:

1 a: something that covers or affords protection b: an establishment providing food and shelter (as to the homeless) c: an establishment that houses and feeds stray animals

2: a position or the state of being covered and protected

I am not homeless, nor am I a stray, but I do see the word protection listed twice. Apparently, this office building does not consider itself a "shelter" and does not promise protection from frost bite, pneumonia, chipped teeth, muscle lock down, 2nd degree esophageal burns from chugging hot liquids, or sexual harassment due to nipple explosion.

I've even tried wearing my gloves. But my keyboard froze 6 times and I was even accidently spelling a word correctly here and there.

I don't know what to do. I'm at the end of my frozen extremities. It's either thermals or permanent brain damage.

Thou Dost Protest Too Much

In my chair

If you have read my other blogs you know I spend twelve hours a day for three days in a chair. So I have decided to push the limits of my confines and record how many things I can do in my chair as opposed to grumping on about what I can't do. If you read something you feel stretches the physical realms of chairdome, shut your trap. It's my chair. And I'll do what I want.

1. Balance on my butt.

2. Day dream about being out of my chair.

3. Facebook stalk. (could be you)

4. Stew about how Ann Curry made it down from Mt. Kilimanjaro.

5. Leg lifts.

6. Breathe burnt popcorn. No one ever gets it right. Ever.

7. Plot about destroying microwave with stapler, so no more burnt popcorn.

8. Apply lip chap repeatedly.

9. Freeze.

10. Starve.

11. Count how many times Sergio walks to the break room. To burn popcorn.

12. Sergio is my "code" name for him. And he's on trip #7. He's been here 2 hours.

13. He's actually wearing a path into the carpet between his cube-o-cot and the vending machine.

14. Forget what I can do in my chair. Who cares. Sergio is up again.

15. His cell phone just went off and he's not there to answer it, mute it, or catch it before it vibrates onto the floor.

16. His disgruntled neighbor is now yelling out for him, b/c she's taking all the calls. She can see him flirting with a frontline tech across the room. He's been cube stalking her all morning and now has her barricaded. His arm motions tell me he's giving her tales of his anaconda.

17. Anaconda is NOT code.

18. He's back in his no work zone. But I think he's eating. Burnt popcorn.

19. He can see me watching him, but I don't care. I think it's fascinating. Like Animal Planet.

20. Oh. Up again. Coming my way... Gotta g*!^&*%&^$%@

Aubrey's Blog Club ~

Relevant or Ridiculous? (long post warning)
Posted by Rich on November 28, 2008
As with many areas in my life these days, High School Musical seems to be the nexus of my latest rant/pet peeve/consternation.

No, I’m not going to complain about the HSM franchise and its ubiquitous appeal to children all the world over. The issue isn’t even the fact that the related soundtracks somehow made their way onto my iPod—for the kids’sake only. I’m actually going to give the kids from East High a pass on this one.

My gripe is actually directed towards Christians. Can’t understand the connection? Let me explain.

A couple nights ago, my wife rented some movies for my children since they will be out of school for Thanksgiving break. One of these movies was titled “Sunday School Musical”. As she told me what she had rented, I wondered if it was just coincidence that the title so closely mirrored “High School Musical”. When she got home with the movies and I looked at the DVD cover, I realized there was no coincidence. The cover art was designed to look just like the Disney product…only with a slightly different color scheme. And of course, they changed the word “High” to “Sunday”. Obviously this would make ALL the difference in the world. The fact that the tag line for the movie was “They put the ‘Hip’ in Worship” only lessened my expectations further. Not wanting my own jaded opinion to affect my children’s review of the movie, I kept my mouth shut.

After I came home from work the next day, I asked my daughter if she had watched “Sunday School Musical”. She had, and she liked it. When I inquire about her favorite part, she told me that it was a song called “You’re not the boss of me”.

Fantastic. What a wonderful life lesson for my daughter to take from a musical about Sunday school. Candy-coated anarchy. (Ok, maybe that’s a stretch. Maybe.)

Thankfully, I think she gave the movie about as much consideration as she gives me when I tell her that spending her birthday money on another Barbie is just wasting it—since she has 37 of them already and they all look exactly the same. Naked with irrevocably damaged hair. But it did get me thinking.

Why do Christians feel that by tweaking something that was successful as secular entertainment, they can somehow make it acceptable for Christian audiences but also relevant to society in general? “Sunday School Musical” is but one example. In the local Christian bookstore, I saw a display for Guitar Praise—a video game obviously mimicking the hugely successful Guitar Hero game series. The look & game play are exactly the same as Guitar Hero, but instead of playing famous rock standards, you play Christian worship songs. It’s the same—but different.

Now before you think that I’m going all “Holier than Thou” on this subject, let me tell you that I own Guitar Hero. I’m actually fairly good too. So as a Christian, should I automatically want to play Guitar Praise instead of Guitar Hero? I hope not. Because I don’t.

In the spirit of brevity (strategically placed after the 514th word of the post), I’ll cite just one more example. Church signs.

Seemingly all the rage in Christianity today is the drive to have the most clever, pithy saying possible on one’s church sign. I’m sure this started with original sign messages like the good ol’:

C-H-C-H . What’s missing from church? U-R

Haha! Clever. Funny. Makes me smile. But from there it’s gone downhill.

Rather than think of original sayings, churches just began taking various marketing campaigns for consumer products and changing a couple words to make them applicable to the church. Or so they thought.

Topping the list of my personal most hated church signs is:

For all you do, this blood’s for you

Is that seriously supposed to make a non-believer want to visit that church? Are they supposed to think “Gee, those Christians sure do have their finger on the pulse of society. There’s something different about them, and I just HAVE to find out what it is!”

I think not.

Sadly, if there are Christians like myself that feel these attempts to simply take something the world produced, change a few words, and re-market it as “Christian” come across as lame & ineffective; is it any wonder that many non-Christians claim that the Christian faith requires you to check your brain at the doors of the church?

The way I see it, Jesus came to this earth and brought a message that was different. His message was strange, yet attractive to unbelievers and it drove the religious leaders batty. He came to a religious establishment (church) that was consumed with following The Law for their salvation, and he basically told them that The Law was now useless for that purpose. He didn’t tweak their rules a little and claim to have a “New Way”. He turned everything they knew completely upside down. He then called us to follow Him—to be the Light in the Darkness.

He didn’t call us to be the “Fun mirror to the world”. You know, the kind you hold up to something so it can see its reflection…only it’s a reflection that is slightly altered by the funky shape of the mirror.

Fun mirrors don’t change anything. They just make people laugh before they walk away.